Re: Best wishes

When I write this, our relationship has ended for almost two years. We have both moved on and we are both getting married soon. I wish Kam Sau forever happiness with her husband. This will also make an end to this blog.

Re: My Kam Sau

My Kam Sau,

I know you must be pretty upset tonight. You seldomly wouldn't pick up my call. Where are you? What are you doing? 

I miss you, Kam Sau. 

I feel happy when I see Kam Sau again.

Re: Dinner party

I enjoy dinner party. A good opportunity to catch up with old friends in an environment where people feel safe and relaxed. Although the dinner party tomorrow is somewhat coerced on to us, Ninan and I had fun preparing the food. We marinated 3 kg of chicken drumsticks and made a huge pot of stew. (enough to feed 10 people) I hope the food will taste great tomorrow.

I feel happy when people have fun at dinner parties.

Re: failure

I got beaten down so many times on Monday. It was crazy. Just got dropped for around god knows how many times. What I like about judo is you always get up after the fight. You don't give up. You just keep going. I like this discipline of judo.

I feel happy when I can take hit from other people and still be standing at the end of the day.

Zoo

I havent been to the zoo for a while. It is an interesting place. Last time when I went to Ocean park with you and your mum, the panda really drew my attention. I wonder how come they don't have kangaroo in Hong Kong. I haven't seen kangaroo anywhere else in the world other than in Australia. So this time when you come over, we should go and pay visit to the Roos.

I feel happy when I can take you to the zoo.

Re: Free Online Courses

How great is this?? I love learning new things. I want to expand my horizon. I am a bad learner. I know everthing superficially. I don't know anything in detail. Probably not very good for being a doctor. But I like the concept of free online courses. It breaks the geographical boundaries. People can learn whatever they want, wherever they want and whenever they want.

I feel happy when I complete an online course.

Re: Nurses

I hate nurses. They often try to take over doctors's jobs. This inter-professional learning crap is pissing me off. Whatever I do, I need to do it with nurses. They have a different mentality. I can't work with them. 

I feel happy when I don't need to work with  nurses. 

Feeling my body is falling apart

Very intense training today. O... My arms n my legs are so sore. Dun even know whether there is a way of reducing the soreness. I heard immersing into a bucket of ice water helps. But the weather definitely is a bit too cold for that........

I feel happy when I can be fit again.

I want to manage my money better

After I read Rich dad's guide to investing, I found out how little I know about money and investing. I want to learn more about money.

I feel happy when I know more about money.

Smile

Work, study, relationships, family, money -- are all sources of unhappiness. I am quite sure no one is totally happy. It does not matter how smooth the person's life is. There are up and downs. In Rockie, the movie, I can't even remember who said this (may be it's stallone, may be it's his trainer). But everytime when I want to give up, I read it just to remind myself, never give up:

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

 I miss your smile, Kam Sau. Please smile more.

I am happy when Kam Sau smiles.

Organisation

I am so disorganised (disorganised as in every single aspect of my life), my study, my work, my finance, my mind, and many more. I have tried to learn to be more organised but it seems like this is a difficult process. Even I typed everything on to the calender. I still managed to miss out things. Fuck. Read the date wrong, put the event at the wrong time, forget things, and the list goes on. The furtherest I can foresee is what is going to happen in the next 5 mins, no, probably even less. I am doomed if I continue to live like this. God, why do you create a person with a mind like this, incapable of thinking, predicting and planning for the future. There are so many things I would like to do but I end up spending most of my time in my room --- planning. The planning then will go to the rubbish bin. Nothing eventually happens, and the whole process just repeats itself. What a retard!

I feel happy if I can at least plan for one week.

Gun shot wound

I saw a guy who got shot at the foot last night. The wound looked very small and the bullet almost came out on the other side but didn't. The wound looked so small, it didnt look like there was much damage. Then the xray showed bone was shattered and there were bullet fragments around it.

I feel happy when I can take the bullet out. Of course, it was done in the theatre by the orthopods.

Finding a weekend job

I am thinking of finding a weekend position at a private practice nearby. Hopefully I can find one. I havent dven started looking but that would be great to have some extra cash.

I feel happy if I find a part time job.

Subungal haematoma

I got woken up by this tonight at three am. I was bleeding underneath my nail. It was fucking painful. 10 / 10 pain. I woke up and ran it under the cold tap. Then remember the treatment for this is to create a hole on the nail using a hot paperclip. Fuck, that was painful too. Now I have two pain to deal with.

I feel happy if this pain can go away.

My room

I still haven't packed my room. It is a mess. I swear I will clean it up on Tuesday.

I feel happy when my room is tidied.

Everleigh

The dinner last night was average. We first went to this thai restaurant. They didnt have a table which was big enough to fit us all. So we were forced to sit on two different tables. Eugene, ninan, evie, johnny and I were on the same table. Then there s another table where everyone was sitting at. Then we went to this place called everleigh. An upstair bar which is very nice n classy. And it is bloody difficult to find. I would love to take you there when you come to melbourne in December. But then the same thing happened. So we left early and went back to eugene s place.

I feel happy when I can take Kam Sau to Everleigh.

Re: Silent

My supervisor is so quiet. He doesn't give too many instructions. He walks and talks very fast. I don't really know what to do. Should I follow him? or should I just sit there and wait for his instruction? I don't know. I was lost.  

I feel happy when I know what to do. 

Work

Work can sometimes be overwhelming. It can be stressful. People often talk about work life balance. It doesnt really exist. We need to choose one. kam sau, you sound like you are under a lot of stress. I am not sure it s because of me or it s the combination of work snd me. But definitely the heavy workload doesnt help at all. Kam sau, hang in there!

I feel happy when kam sau has less work to do.

ED Rotation

Public often thinks working in Ed is so cool. ED doctors are competent and hard working. Little that they know ED doctors are considered the losers in medicine. People who failed their exams or dropped our from specialty training programs often ended up in ED. Having said that, I quite like ED So far. It gives u the balance between lifestyle and work. I will see how this rotation goes. I may end up working in ed in the future.

No Heater

How is this possible? They don't have heater in Glen Waverley!! I am going to get a heater tomorrow.

Having said that, I've gotten quite many clothes and blankets to cover me up at night. So don't worry.

I feel happy when I can get a heater.