Re: My Kam Sau

My Kam Sau,

I know you must be pretty upset tonight. You seldomly wouldn't pick up my call. Where are you? What are you doing? 

I miss you, Kam Sau. 

I feel happy when I see Kam Sau again.

Re: Dinner party

I enjoy dinner party. A good opportunity to catch up with old friends in an environment where people feel safe and relaxed. Although the dinner party tomorrow is somewhat coerced on to us, Ninan and I had fun preparing the food. We marinated 3 kg of chicken drumsticks and made a huge pot of stew. (enough to feed 10 people) I hope the food will taste great tomorrow.

I feel happy when people have fun at dinner parties.

Re: failure

I got beaten down so many times on Monday. It was crazy. Just got dropped for around god knows how many times. What I like about judo is you always get up after the fight. You don't give up. You just keep going. I like this discipline of judo.

I feel happy when I can take hit from other people and still be standing at the end of the day.

Zoo

I havent been to the zoo for a while. It is an interesting place. Last time when I went to Ocean park with you and your mum, the panda really drew my attention. I wonder how come they don't have kangaroo in Hong Kong. I haven't seen kangaroo anywhere else in the world other than in Australia. So this time when you come over, we should go and pay visit to the Roos.

I feel happy when I can take you to the zoo.

Re: Free Online Courses

How great is this?? I love learning new things. I want to expand my horizon. I am a bad learner. I know everthing superficially. I don't know anything in detail. Probably not very good for being a doctor. But I like the concept of free online courses. It breaks the geographical boundaries. People can learn whatever they want, wherever they want and whenever they want.

I feel happy when I complete an online course.

Re: Nurses

I hate nurses. They often try to take over doctors's jobs. This inter-professional learning crap is pissing me off. Whatever I do, I need to do it with nurses. They have a different mentality. I can't work with them. 

I feel happy when I don't need to work with  nurses. 

Feeling my body is falling apart

Very intense training today. O... My arms n my legs are so sore. Dun even know whether there is a way of reducing the soreness. I heard immersing into a bucket of ice water helps. But the weather definitely is a bit too cold for that........

I feel happy when I can be fit again.

I want to manage my money better

After I read Rich dad's guide to investing, I found out how little I know about money and investing. I want to learn more about money.

I feel happy when I know more about money.

Smile

Work, study, relationships, family, money -- are all sources of unhappiness. I am quite sure no one is totally happy. It does not matter how smooth the person's life is. There are up and downs. In Rockie, the movie, I can't even remember who said this (may be it's stallone, may be it's his trainer). But everytime when I want to give up, I read it just to remind myself, never give up:

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

 I miss your smile, Kam Sau. Please smile more.

I am happy when Kam Sau smiles.

Organisation

I am so disorganised (disorganised as in every single aspect of my life), my study, my work, my finance, my mind, and many more. I have tried to learn to be more organised but it seems like this is a difficult process. Even I typed everything on to the calender. I still managed to miss out things. Fuck. Read the date wrong, put the event at the wrong time, forget things, and the list goes on. The furtherest I can foresee is what is going to happen in the next 5 mins, no, probably even less. I am doomed if I continue to live like this. God, why do you create a person with a mind like this, incapable of thinking, predicting and planning for the future. There are so many things I would like to do but I end up spending most of my time in my room --- planning. The planning then will go to the rubbish bin. Nothing eventually happens, and the whole process just repeats itself. What a retard!

I feel happy if I can at least plan for one week.

Gun shot wound

I saw a guy who got shot at the foot last night. The wound looked very small and the bullet almost came out on the other side but didn't. The wound looked so small, it didnt look like there was much damage. Then the xray showed bone was shattered and there were bullet fragments around it.

I feel happy when I can take the bullet out. Of course, it was done in the theatre by the orthopods.

Finding a weekend job

I am thinking of finding a weekend position at a private practice nearby. Hopefully I can find one. I havent dven started looking but that would be great to have some extra cash.

I feel happy if I find a part time job.

Subungal haematoma

I got woken up by this tonight at three am. I was bleeding underneath my nail. It was fucking painful. 10 / 10 pain. I woke up and ran it under the cold tap. Then remember the treatment for this is to create a hole on the nail using a hot paperclip. Fuck, that was painful too. Now I have two pain to deal with.

I feel happy if this pain can go away.

My room

I still haven't packed my room. It is a mess. I swear I will clean it up on Tuesday.

I feel happy when my room is tidied.

Everleigh

The dinner last night was average. We first went to this thai restaurant. They didnt have a table which was big enough to fit us all. So we were forced to sit on two different tables. Eugene, ninan, evie, johnny and I were on the same table. Then there s another table where everyone was sitting at. Then we went to this place called everleigh. An upstair bar which is very nice n classy. And it is bloody difficult to find. I would love to take you there when you come to melbourne in December. But then the same thing happened. So we left early and went back to eugene s place.

I feel happy when I can take Kam Sau to Everleigh.

Re: Silent

My supervisor is so quiet. He doesn't give too many instructions. He walks and talks very fast. I don't really know what to do. Should I follow him? or should I just sit there and wait for his instruction? I don't know. I was lost.  

I feel happy when I know what to do. 

Work

Work can sometimes be overwhelming. It can be stressful. People often talk about work life balance. It doesnt really exist. We need to choose one. kam sau, you sound like you are under a lot of stress. I am not sure it s because of me or it s the combination of work snd me. But definitely the heavy workload doesnt help at all. Kam sau, hang in there!

I feel happy when kam sau has less work to do.

ED Rotation

Public often thinks working in Ed is so cool. ED doctors are competent and hard working. Little that they know ED doctors are considered the losers in medicine. People who failed their exams or dropped our from specialty training programs often ended up in ED. Having said that, I quite like ED So far. It gives u the balance between lifestyle and work. I will see how this rotation goes. I may end up working in ed in the future.

No Heater

How is this possible? They don't have heater in Glen Waverley!! I am going to get a heater tomorrow.

Having said that, I've gotten quite many clothes and blankets to cover me up at night. So don't worry.

I feel happy when I can get a heater.

Re: Angry Bird

This angry bird reminds me of angry Jack. Jack has gotten so angry lately. He has been swearing to us all the time. He was constantly complaining. We don't know what is going on. He moves out tonight to Nat's place.

I am happy when Jack is not angry anymore!

Re: Short circuit: who's the culprit?

Fuck! It's like playing who's the culprit.

My god!!! We spent an hour testing who the culprit is. Jack thinks it's one of us. I think it's overloading. Just messy. Finally we found out it was just overloading. 4 Heaters on + a 100 year old house! Of course is overloading.

I feel happy when the fuse doesn't blow again!

Re: Buried Life!!!

I love the idea of the buried life. The buried life is from a poem-- http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/arnold/writings/buriedlife.html

It tells people how important it is to set goals. I think for the last few years. I haven't been setting goals with my life. I need to formulate a list for the next 6 months!

I feel happy when I have goals for the next 6 months.

Re: Apology

Kam Sau, sorry. I have been busy at the moment.  But everything will be back to normal after the interview.

I feel happy when I don't have to interview anymore!

Re: Drop something

This picture reminds me of what happened to you last night. You dropped your phone in the gap between the wall and the bed. The funniest thing was when your mum said, "of course we need to pick it up, are you thinking of buying a new phone?" Absolutely gold.

I am happy when you have your phone back.

Airport

Hong Kong airport

I feel happy when I see Kam Sau at the airport.

Re: preparation

How long does it take to prepare for a 15 minutes of interview? I don't really know but what I know is I am under prepared. I am not ready. I am not undermining myself. I think it takes a long time to summarise all your strengths, weaknesses and experiences. There are many questions that they can ask. Although I have written up some answers to some of the questions, I don't think the answers include all my strengths. Thinking back I have quite a lot of work experiences but I just don't know how to present them. I worked overseas, I worked as a rehabilitation provider, I worked at public sector, private sector, nursing home. I have published paper. I have distinction in medical school.

Kam Sau, do you know how much it took me to prepare for a one day exam? One year and I took 3 months off just to study.

I think I will need at least 3 weeks to prepare for this interview but now it's too late. Only can do what I can do now. I just don't have a good feeling when I am under prepared.

I feel happy when I am well prepared for an interview.

Negative energy

I think there is a lot of negative energy around us at the moment. You are busy at work. I am busy preparing the interview and working full time. I hope this will go away soon. And you will stop crying.

I feel happy when there is no more negative energy!

Re: Killer Whale

My friend saw a Killer Whale off the beach today. How coo is that!!! I bet they must taste good. Just kidding. There must be a lot of food around that area. I want to be see them kill something, a bird, a seal, fish. That will be so cool to watch. I hope you are having a great night with your friends. I finished my report this afternoon. Now I just have to review it. I still have one more report to go after that I will be free of reports and I only have to concentrate on passing this year by intense studying.

I feel happy when I see a killer whale.

Re: Discipline

Discipline is one of the keys to success such as waking up at certain time in the morning and going through certain routines everyday etc. It is not easy but it is the key to success. I bet you heard of a composer Carl Czerny when you were learning piano. He is an Austrian pianist who wrote series of piano exercises called "The school of velocity". Students suppose to practise it for at least one hour per day in order to perfect their techniques. I have never done it so may be that's why I am not a pianist. Haha......

My point is after thousands of repetitions, people will finally master those techniques. At that point, people will feel genuinely happy.

Re: Openrice

Openrice 咁好用, 一揾到d好食的地方, 就開心了.

Re: job application

God help me with my job application. After submitting all the applications, there is nothing I can do now. Everything rests upon the hospital administration team. I hope they over look my spelling mistakes, grammatical mistakes, my ignorance, my weaknesses...and the list goes on. I hope one day I can get a job I actually love.  A position that I actually want. A place where I can learn and thrive. Not a place where no one wants to be. A place where people hate. A place where the pay is shit. A place where I can't use what I learn. This is proven to be difficult. I have decided my first priority after my graduation is to pass the exams. I need to pass all the exams quickly. Only by passing the exams then I will have the qualifications. I need to have as many qualifications as possible. Life is getting tougher and tougher. Will I survive?

I feel happy when I can survive.

Job application

All of a sudden there are so many different job applications. This looks like a life transition for most people but 10 years later we look back. This is like a drop of water in an ocean. The physio job I am doing tomorrow is only for money. I hope they don't work me too hard. Pay me on time and I will be happy. Not a lot of money but it is definitely better than nothing. The job interview is at 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. I think they are going to get me to work straight away. I am going to stand my ground and tell him that I will leave before lunch. I think it's reasonable since I am not getting paid.

I feel happy when all the job application is over.

Re: Stress

Stress is everywhere. Everyday I wake up there is stress. I need to go to work on time, need to wash my laundry, need to have breakfast, need to cook and the list goes on and on and on. I try to find enjoyment in everything I do. It is not always possible but as long as you see it as a learning process, an experience where it can make you become a better person. Life is full of suffering. We can't let small things get to us. Doesn't matter under what sort of situation, we must find happiness in life. Otherwise living is not worthwhile.

I feel happy when I can live a happy life.

Re: Fish oil

They said fish oil can help with arthritis. I have been eating blackmores fish oil for a while now. I don't know whether they are helping me or not. My neck and shoulder has been hurting me a lot. My body is falling apart. I hope they will discover something new before I become disable.

I feel happy when I don't have neck pain anymore.

Re: Pumpkin and Lentil Curry

Kam Sau, remember the pumpkin and lentil curry I was talking about. This is what it looks like!!! I really would love to cook it. May be this weekend. I will try to make it. So even I fail, I can eat it with Taz and Ninan and I don't have to eat the disgusting curry for the whole week.

I am happy when I am about to cook a new dish!

Re: Music

Kam Sau, I found a new online music station. I now listen to it all the time. It's called ww.jazzradio.com. I found this station from Jack because he was listening to it when he was cooking. I went on it and had a look and tried a few stations. I like Paris Cafe the most. Very soothing music. It's good to play it on a sunday afternoon.

I feel happy when I can listen to the music I like.

Re: Wasting my time

I am so good at doing this now. I spent the whole day doing nothing. I was just lying in bed watching different videos on youtube. My god, I don't know how many CV letters I could have written with the amount of time I spent on youtube. How many great things I could achieve. How many books I could read through. How much money I could earn.

Starting from tomorrow, I am going to finish one application per day. I only have time till the 8 June.

I feel happy when I finish my job application.

Re: Blood Donation

This sounds terrible but one of the motivations for me to go donating blood is free food. I still remember when I first started donating blood. They have hot dogs, meat pie, milk shake, sausage rolls and hot dogs. Now they have orange juice and biscuits. Not even apple juice. Terrible. Of course, I will continue to donate blood even there is no food provided. But I do enjoy the free food available.

I feel happy when there is free food after blood donation.

Re: Enjoyment

Life is short. I shall enjoy every moment of it. Now it is the best time of my life to have enjoyment. I am a full time student with no family, no financial burden and basically nothing to worry about. However, I do have constant worries. I worry about how people think about me. I worry about whether I will find a job next year. I worry about how Kam Sau is doing in Hong Kong. I worry about my family. So many worries. I can't even sit down and do something without letting all these worries get to me. I can't think straight now. Everyday I am just burning and wasting my time. This is a bad cycle. So many worries and so little time. When is all this going to stop?

I feel happy when I don't have to worry anymore.

Re: Marathon

My first ever 1/3 marathon. My god, I can't believe how hard it was. I was in pain on the way back. By the time I finished the race, I was so glad that it was done. I didn't think I could run for any longer. My hip hurts, my knee hurts, my back hurts. It was not good. However, for most people, this is only their warm up. They will be running a full marathon the next day. So  many fit people out there. Our next aim is to run  a half marathon or another 14 km marathon this year.

I feel happy when I can complete a full marathon.

Re: Goals

My goal now is just to get a job next year. I will stop all the other activities and focus on this goal for the next few weeks. After the job application, I then need to start preparing for the job interview. It is important to have goals in life. Otherwise I will just be so lost. It is like living without a purpose, without an aim. Hopefully, I can achieve my goal this year. 

I feel happy when I can achieve my goal this year. 

Re: Brain

The human is like a blackbox. No one knows what is happening inside. The anatomy of the brain is just so complicated. After 4 years of med school, I am struggling with it. I have no idea about the anatomy of the brain. God help me with my future patients.

I feel happy when I don't have to know about the brain.

Re: Organisation

I read somewhere that organisation skills actually determine whether a person is going to succeed or not. In many levels, it makes sense. The more organise you are, the more efficient you are, the more efficient you are, the more productive you are. The more productive you are, the more likely that you will become successful. Unfortunately, it is not an easy learning task. It is more like a habit that stick with us since we were young. When I was young, I was extremely messy. I still haven't changed a bit, I left jobs half-done all the time. Often leaving out important parts. I don't know how to change it. I want to be more organised.

I feel happy when I become more organised.

Re: Memory

I wish I could remember everything. At work, my poor memory has left behind with other people. I need to check everything 5 times. Today I went to a seminar with a junior doctor. During the session, we went through some questions. She remembered them so well and was able to regurgitate them 10 minutes later. I wish I have memory like that. Fortunately, now there is mobile phone, pda and computer to help me.

I feel happy when I have good memory.

Re: Winter

Kam Sau, winter is hitting Melbourne. It was so cold in my house. Eugene came to my place yesterday. He said he thought he was in a fridge. It's so cold that he thought it was going to snow. I told him we don't need to go to the snow mountain this year. Now it's only May. In June and July, it's going to get colder. I am not sure whether we will be able to survivie that. I can't really study at night because it was so cold. The warmest place is in my bed with 2 doonas + a hoodie + socks + long pants. Very soon we don't need to plug in our fridge anymore.

I feel happy when it's so cold that I can't switch the fridge.

Re: Volunteer work

I didn't know volunteer work entails free food and wine otherwise I would have joined earlier! After the first meeting, I still don't know what I need to do as a volunteer but I am happy to continue.

I feel happy when there's free food.

Re: Struggles

Everyday life gives me new challenge, Kam Sau. I don't need to fight tigers or bears to survive no more, however,  still need to fight in a different form to survive. Fight for a job, fight to buy a house, fight to keep friendships, fight to earn money. Life is a constant battle. Everyday the battle begins at sunrise and finishes when I go to sleep. Some fights I win, and some fights I lose. I don't like losing a battle but it looks like I am losing the battle everyday. I struggle to survive in today's world. I struggle to have a job. Struggle to earn money. Struggle to write. Struggle to speak. Can life be more difficult for someone?

I feel happy when the struggle finishes.

Re: Failure

Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard a person tries, he continues to fail. He can't study. He can't run. He can't read. He can't write. Not because he doesn't work hard. It is because he is naturally stupid. He tries and tries and that's what people tell him. Just keep trying. Soon or later he will find out it does not matter how hard he tries. He will still fail. He just has to accept that and same as many facts in life. Being poor. Have no friends. Being unemployed, and die alone. But sometimes death may be the best friend for such people. Who knows what happens after death? A better place? Hell? or just simply nothing. Black and empty. Fortunately, I am no such people.

I feel happy to be alive.

Re: Sherlock Holmes

In the last few days, I have been watching Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes is sort of remind me of physicians. Physicians are very observant. They attend to every details of their patients. Making a diagnosis is sort of like solving a crime. A doctor needs to obtain history and gather signs. Sherlock Holmes gather evidence from crime scene. They put everything together to formulate a diagnosis or a suspect. I can't imagine how superb Sherlock Holmes would be if he is physician. 

I am happy when I can be as observant as Sherlock Holmes

Re: Meaningless CV

It is funny how people can be motivated for different reasons. Some people are motivated by money. Some people are motivated by love. Some are motivated by hate. A coming job interview has motivated so many students in the course. People start doing things that they will never do. They start participating in volunteer work, running marathon, setting up social clubs etc. All these activities are done to build up their CVs. The original idea of including extra-curricular activities in our CVs is good. It encourages students to focus less on books and learn to be a well-rounded person. However, students start taking short-cuts. They organise clubs with no meaning or purpose. They participate in volunteer work not to help people but so that they can put it down on their CVs. They do researches which have no meaning and no impact in the future of medicine. I am not sure the idea of including extracurricular activities on our CVs is sound any more but regardless we are all getting some life experiences from these exercises.

I feel happy when I can be motivated.